Supporting Siblings

It’s not always easy being the sibling of a child with disabilities. Even when parents are extremely sensitive to their typically developing children’s needs, these siblings face unique challenges that are sometimes overlooked because they may pale in comparison to the many challenges faced by a brother or sister with disabilities. 

Some of these may include:

      ·   Guilt about not having a disability

      ·   Worries about the medical status of their sibling

      ·    Resentment that their sibling gets so much attention 

      ·    Embarrassment about their sibling’s appearance or behavior

      ·   Feelings of isolation because their family situation is different from their peers’

      ·    Feeling obligated to take a parenting role in relation to their sibling

Fortunately, there are things parents can do

to minimize the stressors for their typically developing children. These include:

      ·      Making sure to spend one-on-one time with their child on a regular basis

      ·      Listening and validating their child’s feelings about the sibling with a disability, even when they may be hard to hear

      ·     Arranging counseling for their child so they have a safe and comfortable place to share their feelings about having a sibling with a disability

      ·     Finding a support group such as “Sibshops,” where children can share concerns with other children who are experiencing many of the same challenges

      ·    Offering books written for the siblings of children with disabilities. Some popular ones are:  “Special Brothers and Sisters,” by Monica McCaffrey and Annette Hames; “Sara’s Secret,” by Suzanne Wanous; “Oh Brother: Growing Up With a Special Needs Sibling,” by Natalie Hale;  “Autism Through a Sister’s Eyes,” by Emily Hecht and Eve Band; “Fasten Your Seatbelts: A CrashCourse on Down Syndrome for Brothers and Sisters” by Brian G. Skotko and Susan P. Levine

      ·   Giving the gift of a “My Sibling” doll. In 2006, Loretta Boronat, a special education teacher, seamstress, entrepreneur, autism advocate and mother of four children combined her talents and interests to launch LorettaRose LLC, a family-run company that creates dolls especially for the siblings of children with disabilities. Each “My Sibling Doll” comes with a storybook that educates about disability. Even better—Boronat partnered with a local sheltered workshop to hire people with disabilities to help with the preparation, packaging, storage and shipping of My Sibling dolls. 

      Despite the challenges faced by siblings of children with disabilities, there are also tremendous benefits to growing up with a brother or sister with special needs. Childhood development experts have found that these siblings tend to be more empathetic, compassionate, tolerant and mature. One study showed that teens who grew up with a sibling with disabilities are able to form deeper connections and have higher levels of social and emotional growth than their peers.